Losing Faith

What does one do when the battle is too much. Now, before anyone goes calling the Psychiatric ward I'm not suicidal. Honestly, I've thought about it. Not in a "I'm going to do it" but thinking about how low someone would have to feel to do it. That's pretty sad, but I digress.

I'm a college student (literally a LIFETIME college student) and through chance, circumstance, and funds I've been prolonging my graduation date. Fast forward a shit load of years, I thought I "found" myself. Honestly, I found an amazing program and courses that have left a mark in life. To help those who didn't have a voice. Ahhhh... to make a change. So, now I'm on a path to finally graduate and I've applied to graduate schools.

I just got my first denial letter. Oh my F'g God! Not only is it a denial letter, but it's the denial letter from the school I wanted the most. The one I wanted so bad, I would clean the floors of the building with my tongue. Yup, wipe that shit clean with my spit. I am heartbroken. Like I lost my mother, father, husband type of hurt.

When I first applied to graduate school people would go around and wished me luck, but mostly people asked..."what's plan B". Seriously, a plan B. I didn't have one. Didn't people realize, I'm not only good at what I am doing, but I was on a path to become an amazing therapist. Journal articles would be written about the progress I was doing with my clients. Don't put baby in the corner type of shit. So, why would I need a plan B. Only losers have an escape route.

Hi, I'm the loser. Pity, party of one.

I'm not the best at praying, but I've done my share. I've put my life in God's hands so many times because the battle in my path and for many others have been strained. But, I'm not sure he's listening to me.

I'm losing faith.

What to do next? Where to go when one's lost their faith?